I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
