How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
