I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
