hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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