Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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