Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
