I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
