I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were trust falling into bushes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
