my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
