I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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