Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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