I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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