low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
