You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
