my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
