Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
