dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
