So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
