Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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