I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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