Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
