I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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