I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
