I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
