i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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