HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
