So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
