I cannot find my penis.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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