david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
