You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
