i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
