SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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