I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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