Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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