strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
