Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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