this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I deserve this hangover.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
