Screwed.edu
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
