Don't make out with my wife yet
Your dad touched me again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
