he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
