Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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