so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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