I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We need to get me chipped asap
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
