I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
being pregnant is like rehab
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
