so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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