im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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