I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
