She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
