Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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