Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
