I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
