Swine flu. Run for my life!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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